Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure
about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester
Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who
do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've
always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll
play him." "And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg.
"Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. "And what
about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. "I'll
be Bach," said Arnie.
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere
above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot,
Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly,
an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage
compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke.
The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and
bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New
Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and
I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open
the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen,"
he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world
needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete
should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed
one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door
and into the night.
Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's
smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's
smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed
one, and out he jumped. The Dali Lama and the hippie looked
at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son,"
he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known
the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead
of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the
The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry,
pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."
Lisa Marie's Divorce Allegations Against Michael Jackson
Wouldn't drink beer, watch football and break wind with her
during Thanksgiving with Mom at Graceland.
Refused her pleas for separate make-up mirrors.
Unwilling to try new things in bed...like her for instance.
Elephant Man bones...fine. Oxygen chamber for eternal youth...well
okay. But what's with the Groucho head on Jayne Mansfield's
In all their months of marriage not once did he charter a
jet to get her peanut butter sandwiches or fly a mime troupe
in from France like Poppa did for Momma.
Had her favorite noses (June 1994 and September 1995) done
She was shocked to discover that the glittery uniforms were
not actually part of any real military organization.
He started hanging out with Madonna's dancers to toughen up
Everywhere you turn, Elizabeth Taylor's supporting you through
some sordid allegation.
Stood in the way of her film career when he refused to bankroll
her debut performance in 'Jailbait Rock', the story of her
Mom and Dad's courtship.
The all-night Kool Aid and Twister marathons with his little
friends left him too tired to do that 'hee-hee-hee' thing
she fell in love with.
She felt pressured to buy hundreds of thousands of dollars
worth of LaToya's Amway products for the sake of family peace.
Jermaine and Tito were constantly asking her why Elvis didn't
have kids THEY could marry.
Swears she thought she was marrying Michael Keaton.
She grew tired of scouring every Chucky Cheese's within a
50 mile radius only to find him slumped over a table in yet
another chocolate milk and Pez stupor.
He told her to "just beat it" one too many times.
He's a plain spoken "Hoosier", and she had clearly
She wanted someone more like her father, and though he was
already a pathetic parody of his former self, he was just
unwilling to gain weight.
He kept forgetting to put the top back on the mascara.
Prince Charles was driving around his mother's estate when
he accidentally ran over her favourite dog, a Corgi,
crushing it to a pulp. He got out of his Range Rover and sat
down on the grass totally distraught. The whole world was
against him and now his mother would go ballistic.
Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug
it up, polished it and immediately a genie appeared. "You
have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said
the genie. "As a reward I shall grant you one wish."
"Well," said the Prince, "I have all the material things I
need, but let me show you this dog."
They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog. "Do you
think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" the
The genie carefully looked at the remains and shook his
head. "This body is too far gone for even me to bring it
back to life. Is there something else you would like?"
The Prince thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and
pulled out two photos. "I was married to this beautiful
woman called Diana," said Prince Charles, showing the genie
the first photo. "But now I love this woman called Camilla,"
and he showed the genie the second photo.
"You see Camilla isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you
can make Camilla as beautiful as Diana?"
The genie studied the two photographs and after a few
minutes said, "Let's have a look at that dog again."