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Animal Jokes

After watching that person on television who claims to know what common household pets are thinking, it was decided that we too, would do the impossible...

Dog"They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl."

Goldfish"Just because I have a three-second memory, they don't think I'll mind eating the same fish flakes over and over............... Oh boy! Fish flakes!"

Dog "Man, why do they keep rubbing my nose in it? I already KNOW whose it is!"

Goldfish "The knight never comes out of the castle to fight me for dominion over the fish tank. So I must continue patrolling, for I am lord and master!"

Parrot "Tease, tease, tease! But do those greedy clowns ever really give me a cracker? HELL NO!"

Cat "Why are these people in my house?"

Dog "I don't care if you take the jewelry or money, but don't mess with the fridge."

Goldfish "Oh, tap-tap-tap! There's a new one!"

Cat "I wish he would stop kicking me down the stairs."

Dog "The 'pretending to throw a stick' game is getting old, but I seem unable to stop myself from looking for it."

Cat "Why did they put this service bell on my neck if they're not going to answer to it."

Dog "Why is the baby eating my food..."

Hamster "Kill me, this wheel is boring."

Iguana "Oh great, another day of being in this small little cage with my food bowl, my water and these annoying wood chips.

Gerbil "OH NO, not again!"

Dog "I bet if he could do that, he wouldn't be telling me to stop."

Cat "Oh no, he's picking me up to do another 'land on all fours off the balcony' test again."

Does Your Cat Own You?

See how many yes answers apply to you:

  • Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them?
  • Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress?
  • Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month?
  • Do you think it's cute when your cat swings on your drapes or licks your butter?
  • Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have?
  • Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move?
  • Do you kiss your cat on the whiskers?
  • Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your fork?
  • Does your cat sleep on your head?
  • Do you like it?
  • Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator?
  • Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote?
  • Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in?
  • Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad date?
  • Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up and decides to have some animal fun?
  • Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas?
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