The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football
team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch
this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack
into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow,"
said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was
off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run
a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach.
"But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated
for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if
I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
Mommy Bear and Daddy Bear were in divorce court. The judge
looked down and asked the Baby Bear, "So Baby Bear, do
you want to live with Daddy Bear?" "Oh, no,"
Baby Bear replied, "I don't want to live with Daddy Bear.
He beat me." "Well then, you should live with Mommy
Bear," answered the judge. "On, no, I don't want
to live with Mommy Bear. She beat me." "Well then,
Baby Bear, who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear said,
"I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat
Fishing in a frozen lake
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen
lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line,
and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an
hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto
the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy
dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth
Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it
up to plain luck. Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled
in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after
Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son"
he said, "I've been here for over an hour without even
a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught
a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded,
"Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "What was
that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo
raf roo reep ra rums rarrm." "Look," said the
old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying."
The boy spat the bait into his hand and said... "You
have to keep the worms warm!"