Top Ten Lists
Top Ten Signs You are Addicted to the Internet
- You kiss your girlfriend's/boyfriend's home page.
- Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to
- Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
- You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to
- You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity
and no phone lines.
- You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying
a cellular-modem and a laptop.
- You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on
your lap... and your child in the overhead compartment.
- All you daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster
connection to the net: 28.8... ISDN... cable modem...
- And even your night dreams are in HTML.
- You find yourself typing "com" after every
period when using a word processor.com.
Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
- You know, I don't remember studying this in med school.
- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
- Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.
- Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!
- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
- Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.
- Oh no! Where's my Rolex.
- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this
- There go the lights again?
- "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys? and this
guy's got two of 'em."
TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH
- Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star
- Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before
you open it.
- He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
- Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time
- Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while
doing "Darth Brooks" routine.
- For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off
- That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets
old real fast.
- You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't
here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."
- Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
- Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.
TOP TEN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH
- Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment
like our annual stewardship campaign!
- Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar
in the Bahamas.
- Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
- I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard
- Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay
our pastor so he can live like we do.
- I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the
Junior High Sunday School class.
- I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I
used to send to TV evangelists.
- Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable
- I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon
went 25 minutes over time.
- Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.