YOU know you need a Different Lawyer when:
- You met him in prison.
- During your initial consultation he tries to sell you
- He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
- When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five
- He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
- He tells you that he's never told a lie.
- He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
- A prison guard is shaving your head.
One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car,
and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all
of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took
of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!"
he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic
tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop
came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR
DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed.
"Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman.
"Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!"
the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic.
All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even
notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop
said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend
and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied,
"Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught
fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What
are you doing here?" The doctor replied, "Remember
that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river
overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."
The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how
did you start the flood?"
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no. The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"