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Kids Jokes

Q. What do you get when you put a fish and an elephant together?
A. Swimming trunks.

Q. What goes up when the rain comes down?
A. An umbrella.

Q. What disappears when you stand up?
A. Your lap.

Q. What did the big firecracker say to the little firecracker?
A. My pop is bigger than yours.

Q. What did the big chimney say to the small chimney?
A. You are too little to smoke.

Q. What do you call a surgeon with eight arms?
A. A doctopus!

Q. Why did the teacher jump into the lake?
A. Because she wanted to test the waters!

Q. Why did the belt go to jail?
A. Because it held up a pair of pants!

Q. What is the center of gravity?
A. The letter V!

Q. What did the stamp say to the envelope for fun?
A. Stick with me and we will go places!

Q. What sort of star is dangerous?
A. A shooting star!

Q. Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows?
A. He wanted the lesson to be very clear!

Q. What do computers do when they get hungry?
A. They eat chips!

Q. Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?
A. Because they're all in High School!

Q. Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
A. "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!

Q. Which month do soldiers hate most?
A. The month of March!

Q. What did the painter say to the wall?
A. One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!

Q. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
A. In case they get a hole in one!

Q. What did the the tie say to the hat?
A. You go on a head, I'll just hang around!

Q. What would you call two banana skins?
A. A pair of slippers

Q. What do you get when you put a fish and an elephant together?
A. Swimming trunks.

Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!

Q. How do you tease fruit?
A. Banananananananana!

Q. Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
A. Because he wanted to work over-time!

Q. Why did Tommy throw the clock out of the window?
A. Because he wanted to see time fly!

Q. How does a moulded fruit-flavoured dessert answer the phone?
A. Jell-o!

Q. When do you stop at green and go at red?
A. When you're eating a watermelon!

Q. How did the farmer mend his pants?
A. With cabbage patches!

Q. Why don't they serve chocolate in prison?
A. Because it makes you break out!

Q. What do you call artificial spaghetti?
A. Mockaroni!

Q. What happens to a hamburger that misses a lot of school?
A. He has a lot of ketchup time!

Q. Why did the man at the orange juice factory lose his job?
A. He couldn't concentrate!

Q. How do you repair a broken tomato?
A. Tomato Paste!

Q. Why did the baby strawberry cry?
A. Because his parents were in a jam!

Q. What did the hamburger name his daughter?
A. Patty!

Q. What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?
A. A deviled egg!

Q. What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?
A. A turkey!

Q. What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A. A stomach-cake!

Q. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A. He felt crummy!

Q. When does a cart come before a horse?
A. In the dictionary!

Q. Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
A. She couldn't control her pupils!

Q. Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
A. To win the nobell prize

Q. Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
A. They wear snow caps.

Q. Why did the balloon burst?
A. Because it saw a lolly pop!

Q. Why did it take the monster ten months to finish a book?
A. Because he wasn't very hungry.

Q. How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A. Buccaneer

Q. When is a car not a car?
A. When it turns into a garage.

Q. If Mr. and Mrs. Bigger had kids, who would be the biggest of the three?
A. The baby, because he's a little Bigger!

Q. What did the carpet say to the floor?
A. "You go ahead I'll cover you"

Q. Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
A. He wanted to get to the second-hand shop!

Q. What flower grows on your face?
A. Tulips

Q. What is a computer's favorite dance?
A. Disk-o

Q. Why did the little boy put lipstick on his head?
A. He wanted to make up his mind!

Q. What kind of ship never sinks?
A. Friendship!

Q. What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?
A. Stop going in circles and get to the point!

Q. How do you make a hotdog stand?
A. Steal its chair!

Q. Did you hear about what happened at the Laundromat last night?
A. Three clothes-pins held up two shirts!

Q. Why did the computer squeak.
A. Because someone stepped on it's mouse

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