American Idol Jokes
Top Ten Signs You Won't Win "American Idol"
From the Late Show with David Letterman
- You dedicate "I Will Always Love You" to
Saddam Hussein
- Backstage, people say, "Are you still here?"
- North Korea says if you lose they'll stop producing
enriched uranium
- Your mother says, "You're okay, but I'm really
a big fan of Ruben"
- You were recently named the three of clubs on the "Most
Wanted Iraqi" playing cards
- You've already appeared on another reality show --
"Cops"
- Vegas gives you the same odds of winning it all as
the Mets
- You cancel your performance to stay home and watch
"Jag"
- Simon beats you with the microphone stand
- Your voice is muffled by the SARS mask
The Top 5 Signs Your Prom Date Is William Hung
- He manages to tear your dress, trash your corsage and
step on *both* your feet dancing, but that doggone goofy
charm convinces you to give it up anyway.
- Despite his embarrassing performance in the back seat
of his car, his earnest demeanor landed him a $25,000
porno deal.
- His tux? The limo? The hotel room? Everything has been
rented for just 15 minutes.
- "Our next song is by request -- for the fifth time
tonight, not that we're counting... 'She Bangs!'"
and the Number 1 Sign Your Prom Date Is William Hung...
- Fox has already cleared three nights of its fall schedule
to accommodate a series documenting the evening, with
rights to a second one covering the after-party.
Top Ten Things I Can Say Now That I Lost "American
Idol"
- "If I had won, I was gonna blow the prize money
on candy and fireworks"
- "Honestly, I thought I was auditioning for 'The
Apprentice'"
- "Ryan Seacrest isn't as smart as he seems on TV"
- "If you want to see me 'perform,' I'll be working
the noon-to-8 shift at Old Navy tomorrow"
- "George W. Bush didn't win the popular vote either,
and he's done pretty well for himself"
- "Underneath that table, Randy Jackson doesn't wear
pants"
- "Until 10 minutes ago, I had no idea who Dave Letterman
was"
- "I could take down Clay Aiken with one arm in a
sling"
- "I handled my loss well -- I gathered my belongings,
said my goodbyes and keyed the crap out of Simon's car"
- "I have one thing to say to the voters: What in
the hell is wrong with you people?"
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